AS I GET OLDER

  

        I talk to myself, because I need expert advice.
 
        I consider "stylish clothes" to be the clothes that still fit me.
     
        I don't need anger management.  I need people to stop ticking me off.

        My people skills are just fine.  It's my tolerance for stupidity that needs work.
          
        The biggest lie I tell myself is, "l don't need to write it down.  I'll remember it."  
        So I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus.

        Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.

        Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes,
        and come out wrinkle-free and two sizes smaller?
          
        Lately, I've noticed people my age are much older than me.
          
        Now "getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I'm there.
          
       When I was a child, I thought nap time was a punishment.
        Now it feels like a mini vacation.
 
       I thought growing old would take longer.