THE CASE OF THE BUNGLED BIG LAKE BOAT PIRACY
Fred Dyson – Dyson's Starboard View – Messing About in Boats
In response to an article on pirates, a reader from the Mat-Su Valley wrote about local pirates who have looted lakefront homes and stolen boats and motors. Some years ago thieves got sixteen outboards from boats on Crooked Lake in one day.
They apparently launched their own boat, unhooked the motors from the boats, hoisted the purloined outboards into their own boat, and then transferred them to a van at lakeside. I heard the motors went to the Lower 48 in a back-haul van a couple of weeks later.
I had an unattended boat and motor on the lake that day and sadly the thieves skipped me. Apparently they were sharp enough to know that old electric shift Johnson V -4's are a bit of a drag on the used-outboard market. It was a day of great sadness for me and I had to wait two more years to upgrade.
A Big Lake boat storage-yard owner has solved his boat-thief problem in a typical Alaska fashion. He has his apartment above the business office and shop, a good watchdog, and a Model 94 Winchester 30-30 sighted in on the back fence.
When his faithful Irish setter quietly woke him at 3 a.m., he saw a pickup parked across from his business and two guys climbing his fence. The owner got his rifle, a couple of boxes of ammunition, and put the coffee on.
He watched as the would-be thieves took a motor off a stored boat and started for the fence. He quietly opened a window and placed a shot in the mud in front of them.
They panicked, dropped the motor and sprinted for the back fence. The boat-yard owner carefully placed shots in the mud behind the fleeing fools to encourage their progress. He said afterward that it was a wonder that they both didn't have heart attacks because the spring mud was deep and they were moving at world-record pace.
As the well-motivated but empty-handed motor pirates easily cleared the hurricane fence and barbed wire at the back of the yard, the yard owner turned to the next order of business. He reloaded, got his coffee, called the State Troopers, and leisurely used his 30-30 to artfully write ''THIEF' with bullet holes in the door of the pickup.
As I understand the story, the Troopers, who are wise in the ways of Alaskans, parked their cruiser in the boat-yard garage and drank coffee with the owner as they laughed and waited for the outboard thieves to retrieve their re-decorated getaway vehicle.
At last report, the thieves had made a career change after a prolonged period as guests of the state.
DANGEROUS HATS
A Birchwood fan told me a story to validate my opinion that seafarers need a readily available fixed-blade knife to handle some boating emergencies. Our fan was on a white-water raft trip. One of the participants had tethered his prize hat to his belt with a hank of eighth-inch nylon line.
When the raft got dumped over, everybody got free and came up except the man with the precious hat. Our Birchwood fan counted noses and came up one short.
When he noticed random and assorted body parts appearing and disappearing beside the raft, he ducked under the raft and saw the missing man thrashing about trying to break the nylon hat line that was tangled around a thwart.
Our heroic fan then tried to get at his folding knife in his wet jeans and then get it open, all the while trying to hold onto the raft as it gyrated through the rocks and rapids. Finally he got the knife open without dropping it and saved the life of the man who was being drowned by the leash on his hat.
So boating fans, carry a small fixed-blade knife in a handy location. Big knives are worthless for anything except chopping and/or impressing airheads. Also be careful of sticking the knife into the boat if it is an inflatable. Sinking your boat with your knife ranks with life's most embarrassing moments. It is indeed the HISS you want to MISS.
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