NEW ELEMENT FOUND
Curvin Metzler
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists and chemists at the University of Alaska Anchorage. The element, named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic number of 0 (zero). However, it does have a neutron, 141 assistant neutrons, 59 vice neutrons and 265 assistant vice neutrons. These give the element an atomic mass of 466. The 466 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can easily be detected chemically, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when the same reaction would normally occur in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a re-organization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic number actually increases after each re-organization. Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain locations, such as government agencies, large corporations and universities, and can usually be found in the newest, best-maintained buildings.
Scientists noted that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration, and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how it can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results are not promising.
http://www.redundancydept.com/element.html
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